I’ve wrestled a LOT of lesbians. In my experience, they are much more respectful of sexual boundaries than many straight people. They tend to be extremely respectful of other women’s feelings, fears, and limits. They are less initially intimidated by “touching or grabbing” another female body (and you KNOW about THAT intimidation in a straight woman). And, most of all, there’s no problem with them being competitive or showing bodies in front of men because they don’t care what the guys are thinking. They tend to compete just to compete.

In fact, in my experience, lesbians don’t DO erotic wrestling with straight women because that would constitute a violation of their current relationship — see that’s NOT the case with women married to men, is it? The only time I have been sexually touched by an opponent non-consensually during a match was with heretofore “straight” women who suddenly discovered something about themselves during the battle.

Honestly? Only if half the combative women I know are too old. Over 70 percent of the members of Ladies Corner on this site (that’s over 100 real combative women at this point) are in their later thirties and forties. A couple are in their fifties. They ALL wrestle, honey. Several had their first matches when they were past 40. This is absolutely true.

By the way, I think it’s a very nice gesture on her husband’s part. Give him a big hug and kiss and whatever else follows.

I think it’s an unncessary danger from the moment you miss the period. In fact, I know a couple of experience combative women who, when discussing a match with a new opponent, actually ask if she has missed her latest period. Okay? I’m a believer in full exercise right through a pregnancy but wrestling is trauma activity (you’re getting knocked around) and you are carrying a life inside you, girlfriend! Wrestling is great but we have a unique role in this universe: we can give and nurture life. For the time being, it’s time to stress that.

I want to get into wrestling and my husband (or boyfriend, etc.) suggested that I wrestle an old girlfriend of his. I don’t think we’re real hostile to each other, just not friends. But he thinks this would be a good match. What do you think?I think it’s a potential disaster. Even if you have no hard feelings toward her, she may have them toward you and, in any case, there is almost always an edge of competition between women from different periods in a man’s life. Maybe it shouldn’t be but it usually is.Fighting a woman with a grudge is a bad idea. The match won’t be fun because you’re doing it with someone who’s not fun for you to be with. You have no idea what she actually has in mind as “fun”. The guy may think he’ll have fun but he could end up with an abusive match or one that gets out of control. Even if it’s cleanly fought, whatever bad feelings there are will simply escalate and why would anyone want to make anybody else feel worse than they already feel?Tell him to read a story about it with pictures and find yourself a friendly or more neutral opponent.My (fill it in) has a fantasy about me wrestling my sister. We’re close and we’ve had fights in the past as kids. What do you think?If you feel safe with your sister and she wants to, go for it. I’ve had some real doozies with my own sister! Sister matches are often the most enjoyable and memorable because they combine the natural rivalry between siblings with the love and care that sisters have for each other (if their relationship is good). She’ll fight you hard but she’ll never try to hurt you — if you feel this is true of your sister, accept the challenge by all means.I want to start wrestling and my guy wants to watch me but I have a problem. He wants to see me wrestle in a bathing suit and I don’t think I’m in very good shape and, to be honest, I don’t think my body is attractive enough to show that way. What do I do here?The issue is not what you look like, it’s whether you’re in condition to do this. If you feel you are (and it really doesn’t take all THAT much conditioning to start), the issue you have is a common one among women: body self-hatred. The only women I have met who aren’t critical of their bodies in some way are all on American On Line (LOL). Don’t get me started on MY sagging little number!The fact is that we are conditioned to look at models as the ideal female body but those women are professionals whose bodies ARE their tools of the trade and they have conditioned those bodies (through work, pain, even consmetic surgery and, in my opinion, some risk) to look like what men are taught is the ideal female body. Most of us, genetically, can’t even look like that!How can there be an ideal body among human beings? Each of us is different. If you’re in good enough shape to wrestle, you’re good enough to look at as you do it.My advice? Find an opponent and talk frankly with her about this issue and hear what SHE has to say about her body. I’ll bet the conversation will make you feel like you’re a beauty queen. And, once you two are wrestling, you won’t give ONE thought to what you look like. Trust me.I’m talking to a woman about a match and something has come up. I am almost sure she’s a lesbian and I’m not. I’m embarassed about my feelings because I don’t consider myself prejudiced but, to be honest, I’m a bit queasy about this. Should I just ignore these feelings?Absolutely NOT. You should never ignore hesitations you have about an opponent. It’s a shoe-in for a bad experience and it’s a great disservice to her. Additionally, it would be an act of disrespect toward this woman.If you find this one attractive as an opponent and want the match, you should talk to her about your feelings. Be respectful and sensitive but be honest with her. Lesbians are women, after all, and they feel a lot of the same things. They understand feelings of intimidation and nervousness and, in terms of reactions, they have doctorates in dealing with this society’s biases and prejudices. No lesbian is going to be surprised that you express these feelings. She’s seen it over and over. And, in my experience, most tend to be sensitive and understanding when discussing it and grateful that you’ve shown the confidence and respect to bring it up.Now, you don’t specify this here but there is a prejudice about lesbians that, once they touch another woman, it’s eros city and that is simple sexist myth.I’ve wrestled a LOT of lesbians. In my experience, they are much more respectful of sexual boundaries than many straight people. They tend to be extremely respectful of other women’s feelings, fears, and limits. They are less initially intimidated by “touching or grabbing” another female body (and you KNOW about THAT intimidation in a straight woman). And, most of all, there’s no problem with them being competitive or showing bodies in front of men because they don’t care what the guys are thinking. They tend to compete just to compete.In fact, in my experience, lesbians don’t DO erotic wrestling with straight women because that would constitute a violation of their current relationship — see that’s NOT the case with women married to men, is it? The only time I have been sexually touched by an opponent non-consensually during a match was with heretofore “straight” women who suddenly discovered something about themselves during the battle. You know what? The single best straight wrestling match I have ever seen in person was between a lesbian couple. The BEST and there wasn’t an erotic move in the whole match!This is silly but it bothers me. You talk about wrestling barefoot but I think my feet are really ugly! Shouldn’t I wear socks or something?You can if you want but they’re sweating and slippery. I could wax eloquent about body hatred and all that but that doesn’t mean crap in the real world, does it? Listen, a bit of girlfriend advice on the footsie issue. Take a couple of weeks to rub oil on your feet at the end of the day. Give yourself a very warm foot bath every day and then do your nails in bright red! LOL You’d be surprised what a bit of color can do! And consider yourself lucky. I hate my boobs and, when I wrestle topless, no make-up can cover those saggers! LOLI grew up prim and proper, Barbara. Do most women who wrestle come from a tough background?Actually, most combative women I know have never been in a street fight in their lives. Now, there are some who have. Some who grew up tough. And maybe the ones I know aren’t representative but I know some very very well known combative women. Most of them grew up without much violence in their lives. The fact is that street fighting is not necessarily preparation for wrestling or even rules catfighting. A street fight is an adventure in frenzied viciousness and there’s very little strategy involved. This is completely different.Just get the rules straight and agree to them. If you want to do it, you are going to do it NOW so the past has very little relevance. You’ll learn as you do it.Be honest with me. I’m in my forties and I’m thinking of starting wrestling. Is that too old?Honestly? Only if half the combative women I know are too old. Over 70 percent of the members of Ladies Corner on this site (that’s over 100 real combative women at this point) are in their later thirties and forties. A couple are in their fifties. They ALL wrestle, honey. Several had their first matches when they were past 40. This is absolutely true.This isn’t an athletic career. You take one match at a time and you do the next one if you want to or stop when you don’t want to go on. You’re at your prime in many ways, with the most self-confidence and self-assurance you have probably ever had. You may be as close to being content with yourself as you’ve ever been. If you want to, this is THE time to start.I really want to do a rules catfight and I have this really neat woman who wants to fight me. But I’m a bit scared by it because I’m not sure how far to go and what it’s going to be like. What do you suggest?Ask her to straight wrestle a fall with you to get acquainted with each other’s bodies and strength and to get a feel as to whether you’re a good match. After that, you can take a few days to consider it or even retire to another room (if you’re in front of observers) and talk about whether you want to fight. Be honest and she’ll respect that. Maybe she won’t want to do much more than a straight match at that point anyway. But it’s a great ice breaker and a great safety device.I had a wrestling match, not my first but I haven’t had that many. We were wrestling and I started to get aroused and I actually had an orgasm (at least I think I did). This really has me freaked because it wasn’t what I wanted and I’m afraid the other girl realized it? Now I want another match with her but…I mean…You had a perfectly natural experience that some women have at times and trying to explain it or predict when it might recur has no value. You were physically close to another body and moving intensely and feeling strong emotions and that’s a mix that can become eroticized. It has happened to me, to opponents and to all kinds of women I know. It’s really no big thing and nothing to be concerned about or ashamed of and it probably won’t recur with this opponent anyway.If you think she noticed (and she probably did, to be honest) talk to her about it and express what you just did to me. She’ll probably be grateful for the trust you have placed in here.And listen, some women would give anything to have at least an occasional orgasm with another person so maybe you should consider yourself fortunate. LOLMy girlfriend and I had this wrestling match for our husbands. It was lots of fun. But the deal she made with her husband was that, if we did this, he would have an erotic naked wrestling match with my husband. They’re both good looking guys and in good shape and everything but I didn’t think it would happen. Now it’s been scheduled and I’m starting to wonder whether there’s something wrong with me because I’m kind of looking forward to it? What do you think?I think you should send me the address, time and place. ROFLThis DOES occur. There are a couple of women in Ladies Corner who do “couples” matches. I have no idea how often it happens and have no pool for evaluating how many women are turned on by it. I know I personally find the idea really exciting and the two matches of this type I saw (both of which, by the way, were between gay men) were very arousing for me. If they want to, she wants to and you want to, then you know what I’m going to say.By the way, I think it’s a very nice gesture on her husband’s part. Give him a big hug and kiss and whatever else follows. How far into a pregnancy do you think I can safely wrestle?I think it’s an unncessary danger from the moment you miss the period. In fact, I know a couple of experience combative women who, when discussing a match with a new opponent, actually ask if she has missed her latest period. Okay? I’m a believer in full exercise right through a pregnancy but wrestling is trauma activity (you’re getting knocked around) and you are carrying a life inside you, girlfriend! Wrestling is great but we have a unique role in this universe: we can give and nurture life. For the time being, it’s time to stress that.What about wrestling DURING your period?Opinion is divided, actually. Some say you should avoid it at all costs but that really cuts down on scheduling possibilites, doesn’ it? I think it depends entirely on you. If you experience major physical change or extreme emotions at some point during the menstruation, you need to avoid scheduling matches around that time and can feel free to cancel if the old bod violates the schedule the day of the match.The physical change could translate easily into weakness and you could become ill during the match or your body may become very sensitive and you’ll experience the opponents’ techniques as more painful than they normally are. The emotional thing could mar the experience in many ways (not that you’re going to go nuts on her but you’ll feel differently and even badly about the match). Medically, there is really nothing dangerous about wrestling during a period but everyone is different. One thing, though, use a non-intrusive mentrual device (not anything you stick into yourself). Just to be safe.My husband keeps telling me that there are many women who are willing to actually fist fight for their husbands’ enjoyment. He says this is what “real fighting women” do. Is this true and what do you think I should do if he asks me?He’s going to ask you, trust me.I think it’s bullshit. I’ve been into this for over 15 years and know or have spoken with at least a hundred women who are also into it. I’ve never met one who fistfights for her husband’s pleasure. I’m sure they exist but they are NOT many. Some women do it for money in front of a camera (like with Crytsal Videos) but I doubt very much that he actually knows many women who do.You want my frank opinion about him? You asked so I’ll tell you. I think he’s either dangerously out of touch with reality or extremely selfish or pathologically interested in getting you hurt. I think you should reconsider your relationship with him if he actually asks you and, in any case, I think you should ask him why he keeps telling you this. I think you’re in a troubled situation and I don’t think he really cares about your safety.

Of course, the problem is that, in a fantasy, the participants are fantasy figures. In life, they are real women with their own desires, taboos, fears, upbringing and fantasies…and the right to freely choose whether they want to share someone else’s.

My gut reaction to the email questions is that everything depends on the quality, character and background of your relationship.

I cannot offer generalized advice — that would be highly irresponsible. But based on my own experience and that of many women I know, I can offer some general thoughts on the topic and that’s what this page is about.

Rules
Let’s say you’re an avid female combat fan and you think the woman in your life might actually wrestle at some point. How do you broach the topic and encourage her to do it?
There are three rules in my book: honesty, sensitivity and support.

Honesty
Of course, every relationship should be built on honesty. If yours is, read on. If it isn’t, maybe it’s time to start but this might not be the best way to break the cycle of deceit. If you routinely talk about your feelings, reactions, and problems, then I think your relationship can handle an exploration of this interest.

Couple of things up front and they may surprise you.
Most of the women I have wrestled actually began doing it because their men were into it and many, if not most, of them continue to do it in part because it pleases him.

Doing things for each other is the essence of a relationship. It’s what concretizes love. But no partner should ever be pressured to do something he or she doesn’t feel comfortable doing and actually want to do. So the trick is to figure out where she stands on that issue and that’s the second general point.

She knows!!! Listen carefully, sweetie. For the most part, if you have a solid relationship, your woman KNOWS or at the very least suspects. This is NOT something a man can easily hide from his woman — she has caught a glimpse of your materials or your tapes. She has seen your eyes when a fighting scene comes on the television. She has picked up a vibe when a fight between two women comes up in some conversation. She may not completely understand but she has an inkling…believe me, she does.

Additionally, she knows YOU and, even if she’s turned off to the whole idea, she’s smart enough to realize that this particular fantasy isn’t the entire you. She deals with you intimately every day; you’re a central part of her life. The fact that you get turned on by women fighting isn’t going to change much of that in the long run, IF your relationship is a solid one.
Almost every friend I have with whom I’ve shared my wrestling (including lots who don’t wrestle but know me well) react when I first tell them this way: “God, (husband’s name) would just LOVE to see that!” LOL Are you kidding me…we KNOW, big guy, we know.

Coming Clean
So the first step is to talk about it. Don’t make it a ceremony. Wait until you’re both relaxed and alone and bring up some incident you saw in real life or on television and tell her it really had an effect on you. If she expresses an interest in that, talk about your feelings. Don’t to overboard. Be calm and reassuring but be as frank as you can.

In most cases, your woman will ask questions because much of this will be new to her. Her experience with female combat is probably a couple of “girl fights” she saw in High School or the time she and her sister had a hair-pulling match. As far as wrestling goes, the only thing she’s really seen may be professional wrestling on television. You’ll have to explain the difference and she will be surprised to know that all over the country real couples, with kids and houses and lives, do this routinely.

If the conversation stops, let it drop. She may have to assimilate a few things now. She’ll probably bring it up again soon enough because she realizes it’s important to you or she may be intrigued by it. At the very least, however, it will be out in the open and you WILL feel a hell of a lot better.

And she may very well be pleased that you told her because it’s important to a woman to have her husband honestly reveal his intimate feelings to her. It demonstrates trust and the confidence that she will not be insensitive to what is, in fact, a vulnerable part of your psyche.

At some point, if she’s asking lots of questions about what really happens, you may want to offer to watch a video together so she can see for herself. Pick one you like but that you feel won’t scare or intimidate her…one that is representative of the kind of wrestling you think she might do.

If she wants to watch the tape, do so together and then let it drop unless she pursues it immediately.

Sensitivity
Now, you have to be a bit patient. Understand that fighting, for most women, is a deprogrammed act. It’s not something we learn to do as kids nor is it something our society encourages us to do as adults. Quite the opposite. It is usually foreign and strange to us at first.

She may even get a bit distant for a day or so or seem preoccupied. If so, talk about it. Ask her if it turns her off and get her to talk about the feelings.

For some couples, it stays there. Nothing much more is said. It’s an accepted reality and not all that important to the relationship. For some, there is more talk, more video tape watching and the entire thing stays in the realm of fantasy but at least it’s a shared fantasy.

In many cases, though, your mate may be intrigued. You’ve presented her with another option for her self-image. She may start thinking, could SHE do this? What would it feel like? How would it happen?

Answer any questions she poses being especially sensitive to the fear and initimidation any new experience, particularly one as vigorous and physical as this one, might have.

But, after a while, you should tell her you would love to watch her wrestle another woman — in fact, if you’ve fantasized about a particular one, level with her about it.

My first husband told me he had fantasized about me wrestling my sister (three years younger) in a our bedroom. I couldn’t stop laughing for a few minutes but, as I thought about it, I realized that it was entirely plausible. My sister was the only woman, up to that time, I had ever rough housed with and, as kids, we had gotten into a couple of pretty vigorous fights. I would feel comfortable with her. Would SHE do it? That was the thought pattern.

Anyway, it’s now completely her call. If she takes you up on this, go for it. If not, at least the seed was planted and the air is clear.

I have an added caveat here: Never encourage your wife to fight someone she hates as her first match. In fact, if she brings it up, strongly discourage her and refuse to participate in it. Contrary to what’s frequently said, especially on the Internet, a real fight is a horrible experience for women and I know NO women (including experienced combative women) who feel good about real brawls they may have gotten into. It’s demeaning, ugly, chaotic, and potentially very dangerous.

So stay away from that option. Your woman should wrestle a friend or someone’s she neutral about.

Support: Setting It Up, etc.
If your wife wants to wrestle, the process is quite simple. Have her log on to this site and really read it. We do the site for her and women like her. Encourage her to follow the rules, the etiquette and the clothing suggestions. I’ll only add a couple of points for you.
Help her in any way she wants. Answer her questions about what YOU want. But try hard to keep the pressure off and try not to bud in too much. Let her make her contacts and bring you in at the appropriate moment. Let her take her time. Be patient.

You will definitely want to talk to the opponent and especially HER man before setting up a meeting.

There’s a phenomenon I diplomatically call the penis substitution in which the two guys start bragging about how tough their woman is and what she’s going to do to the other guy’s woman, etc. Stay away from this crap and monitor the other man for overly aggressive or anti-female attitudes. Does he sound like he loves his wife, for instance or does he refer to her in derogatory terms? Does he seem to have a hidden agenda? Does he suggest getting them together and tricking them into doing something they have not agreed on?

If any of this happens, tell your wife and suggest she decline the match. It’s trouble, my friend. You should demand of the other man the same honesty and sensitivity you have shown. You’ll find that the couples who will give you a good match will have these qualities in excess — that’s why they are still together and doing this.

Paying for a Match
There are many women who will wrestle your woman for a fee. Several sites offering such services are on my links page.

If she has no problem with it, this is absolutely acceptable and, for the first couple of matches, may be advisable. Paid wrestlers are skilled and experienced for the most part and they know how to conduct a match safely and sanely. They will usually be very supportive of your wife privately and will tailor their techniques to her skill level. These women are often world-class wrestlers. They have nothing to prove, have done this many many times and are usually interested in helping other women get involved.

The match will be much better and your wife will emerge more confident and more knowledgeable.

In any case, the discussions and preparations are about the same for paid wrestlers as for recreational opponents. The ladies will need to talk some things over and the paid wrestler may well insist on that before committing herself or even establishing a fee.

You should make sure the paid wrestler is about your wife’s size, by the way. A much bigger opponent will be a huge downer for her. Many paid wrestlers won’t even take such a match.

Expect to pay a couple of hundred dollars for an hour in most parts of the country and take care of the payment privately with the other wrestler. Don’t flash money around in front of your mate — it makes things a tad less comfortable usually.

Photos and Videos
Visual records of a match are fine and even enjoyable after a couple of matches but don’t do them during the first match. It can be very intimidating for a woman to know that she is being recorded doing something she’s unfamiliar with and unskilled at. How would you feel about someone shooting a video of you learning to do a new sport or to drive or to ski, etc.? Alright then.

Besides, the idea here is for her to continue doing it and, if she does, you’ll have plenty of much better material on tape in the future.

Aftermatch
After the match happens, you should immediately take some time to be alone with your wife and talk about it. Ask her how she felt, what she liked and disliked.
Tell her how much you enjoyed it (and you’ll enjoy it, believe me) and thank her for giving you such a wonderful treat.

Let HER bring up the possibility of another match. If she doesn’t, you should probably drop it for quite a while. Usually, she will say right out that she would like to do it again.

Because, for most women I’ve met, the first match hooks them. They are now combative women and they have you to thank for that…you and the opponent they faced.

Then make sure you give that wonderful woman a huge hug, big kiss (and you know the rest). You both deserve it.

Ready?
I personally was introduced to erotic combat fairly late and didn’t take it very seriously for quite some time. But I met a couple of very good wrestlers who would sometimes do it and, after I tried it, I realized that it can be a very unique experience and very exciting.
With the broadening of “acceptable” (at least to ourselves) sexual options for women, it has become more popular during the last ten years. It is often done by lesbian or bi-sexual combative women and a good percentage of couples into wrestling or catfighting will sometimes engage in it.
I think it’s pretty wonderful if you can find the right people and do it safely but if you have a problem with it or are not sexually comfortable with other women, don’t do it. That said, let’s go on.

Forms

There are basically two types of erotic matches and the difference has to do with the goal sought.

In face straddle matches, the combatants fight to dominate each other (as in a regular wrestling match) but they particularly vie for the top (or face straddling) position. This is also sometimes called “domination wrestling” but I think that name is useless.

In the other, the “sex fight”, the goal is to bring the opponent to orgasm during the contest itself.
In all cases, there are some simple rules to follow. (Now, be honest with yourself because I have to get graphic in my explanations here so, if this is too heavy for you, go on to the next section of the primer. Remember, we’re into mutual consent here and that includes what you read on this site.)

General Rules

Do it only with other couples or women you know very well and always take precautions.
It IS sexually proximate and, while choosing couples tends to filter out some of the danger of sexually transmitted diseases, you should always protect yourself.

Make her tell you, in no uncertain terms, that she’s healthy or “clean” sexually and is sure of it. At the very least, this may remind HER of the inherent dangers.

Depending on the sexual contact that is to occur, use shields and surgical gloves. Check out web sites specializing in sexual health topics for details and don’t hesitate to demand such precautions.

When setting up the match, ask about your opponent’s sexual orientation.
Lesbians and bisexual wrestlers have no problem telling other women about their sexual orientation and, in general, those are the people you are going to be doing this with. At the very least, make sure she’s sexually comfortable with other women.
Some women “try it” only for their men’s pleasure and that often turns out horribly for everyone. If that’s what your opponent says, request another kind of match for your first encounter.

If its gets too embarassing for either of you, stop it.

The face straddle match

is a wrestling match or catfight that continues until one woman is able to securely straddle the other’s face. In less prim and proper English, you get your butt or crotch on her face, straddling her torso. This is among the most potentially dangerous forms of female combat because you can cut off her air supply. Even for a split second, this can one of the most frightening experiences a human being can have. So be responsible and follow these rules if you win the straddle position.

Make clear whether a sit will be until a submission or prolonged (until the winner comes or is satisfied).
If it’s to be to submission, she submits and you get off her. Period.

If you two want to go further in the sit….

Decide whether it will be a front/back sit or just front.
In most cases, she’s going to have to use her tongue on you and so the question is very very pertinent, wouldn’t you say?

Give her space!
This is VERY important! If you’re straddling her, place yourself about an inch to two inches above her face and let her reach YOU, dipping slightly and in rhythm to meet her. NEVER smother her. That looks great on video tapes but it is so dangerous I can’t even fathom it. Smothering means just what it says and you don’t want to smother anyone in a fun event. Talk to her and tell her if she’s reaching you, etc. You won and you’re entitled to the sit but you’re also responsible for her well being.

If she says she’s having trouble breathing, ROLL OFF immediately.
Don’t play games with people’s safety. If she says she’s having a problem, she’s having a problem.

If you lose, do what you’ve agreed to.
Don’t back out after a loss unless it gets too heavy or there is some safety problem. Then just tell her immediately. Don’t play with your own safety because she doesn’t want that either.

Fight nude.
Well, yeah, I mean what do you think you’re doing here? There’s nothing modest about a face sit so don’t start getting all modest about your clothing. No matter what you see on videos, the safest face sit is done absolutely naked. Garments will scratch her face and make your satisfaction more difficult thereby prolonging the sit unnecessarily (and dangerously). If you fight in bottoms, wear something you can quickly take off before the sit and do just that.

Shower and wash thoroughly before the contest.
It won’t prevent sweat and odor but will cut down on those problems.

Get off the moment you’ve come, are tired, or sense that she’s too tired to continue.
Prolonging a face sit can be dangerous and frightening.
By the way, if your face straddle match ends in some other kind of submission, you can (by previous agreement) assume a sit after the loser has submitted. Take your prize, in other words.

is a contest in which the women are wrestling or fighting to bring each other to orgasm with the loser being the woman who comes first.
There are various forms of “sex fighting”. The most popular is a real wrestling match or catfight in which the combatants are allowed, among all the other techniques, to rub each other sexually with hands, thighs or feet…whatever is available. Here too, girlfriend, there are rules!

NEVER and I’m talking Barb’s big “N”, grab or pull her pubic hair.
It sounds great to some men but you KNOW how dangerous it can be and with people moving around vigorously there’s no sure way of controlling how hard you do it. So don’t do it! Ever.

Never insert fingers into the anus or vagina.
You want someone’s fingers in there while YOU are thrashing about? Emergency Room city!

Never slap, punch or kick someone’s crotch.
I don’t even have to explain that one.

Have an alternative way of winning.
In other words, if one of you submits with any hold, the match is over. It’s actually advisable not to fight only until an orgasm for a simple reason: no matter what the fantasy stories say (or what your man firmly believes) it is very very difficult to make another woman come during a wrestling match. And, if that’s the only way to win, you may be in for a very long, exhausting, possibly boring and even harmful match.

If you come, admit it immediately.
It’s often tough to tell if another woman has come, so don’t take it for granted that she knows you did.

If you sense that she has, ask her right then and there.
Some people find it difficult to say “I just came” in the middle of a wrestling match. She’ll tell you if you ask.

If you don’t trust yourself or the opponent to follow these rules, don’t fight.

I’ve been asked through hundreds of email messages to address other forms of sex-fighting on this site. The problem is that most of these aren’t really wrestling. For some people, sex-fighting is really nothing more than a kind of sexual competition to see who can make the other come first.

One such contest involves kneeling facing each other very closely, holding her around the back with your left hand and using your right hand to masturbate her. She does the same. The one who comes first loses.

There are variations. Grinds, like the one on the right, or even the use of feet as the primary tool of masturbating.

Because these contests involve no physical combat, I have no real rules for them. This is not to say they aren’t “fights” because they can involve some strategy (avoiding a direct rub to your clitoris while trying to rub hers directly, for example). They can also involve “trash talk” or scenes (“Let’s see who the better woman really is, bitch!” LOL)

But since they’re not wrestling or fighting, they pose very little danger and I don’t think I have to tell you how to do it — it’s pretty natural, seems to me. I want you to do this if you want to but there’s not much more I can say about it here.

I’ve seen nothing on the Internet about this and that’s probably because it’s difficult to write about: I am NOT a physician or an expert in this area. So what I’m going to tell you is based on my experience and common sense.

– The Basic Preliminaries–

Obviously, the most important thing to do is follow the “rules” I’ve set out previously because these are oriented to safety. But other than that. Just DO the following. Period. Okay?

Get yourself a good first aid kit and bring it with you to the match. Don’t rely on anyone else having one. Buy one, make sure the contents are adequate and keep it with you when you go to wrestle (even practice or possible impromptu matches).

Adequate contents are a good infection treatment, a separate small bottle of alcohol, a good range of curads (bandaids), a selection of wrap-around bandages that fit you (including an ace bandage for elbow, knee and ankle), a sling bandage (I hope I’m not starting to scare you) and a bottle of smelling salts.

Test your surface. Most injuries come from surfaces that are too hard and jarring or much too soft which can can cause twisting of joints. Make sure the fight venue is padded and comfortable to a fall. Test it by falling loosely on it once to make sure. Just flop yourself down with your body relaxed. The surface should feel firm and it should jar you a bit but you should suffer no after-effect on any part of your body. If it doesn’t, see if you can at least get a couple of mattresses if no mats are available. If you can’t do this, postpone the match and take appropriate measures to get that proper surface.

Make sure the venue room is warm. If you’re not sure, take off your outer clothes and just sit there for a few minutes. Are you starting to get cold? If so, make the room warmer. A match room should feel as warm as a Summer’s day. I would also turn off air conditioning in most rooms because drafts can be hell on muscles.

Warm up and stretch. You can do this in private but make sure you are warm. You actually don’t have to be sweating when you begin but you should be near that point. You know your body — make it warm and stretch so the muscles feel loose. A cold or tight body will suffer muscle tears and strains much more easily.

Make your body injury proof. Take off all the jewelry (including rings except your wedding ring if you want — they are fairly safe). Make sure you have NO watches, bracelets or earrings on for the contest.

Deal with your hair because it poses potential problems. If you’re going to wrestle straight, make sure your hair is controlled. If it’s long, put an elastic around it and pony tail it. Don’t bother “putting it up” because that will last about a minute and can be distracting when it comes down. If you’re going to catfight, the opposite is true — let your hair fall loose because that is actually much safer in a pull.

And comb or brush your hair out once shortly before the match. Any little knots in the hair can catch and cause unnecessary pain and even a slight injury.

Cut your nails to the proper (right above the skin’s end) point. If you have to have long nails (and some women wear them quite long), use surgical gloves until you become skilled in finger-tip grabs. Like it or not, you can accidently scratch the hell out of someone with long nails and neither of you want that. Same, by the way, for toe nails. Even get raked by a toe-nail on your leg? Cut them appropriately.

Finally, know where the nearest Emergency Room is and make sure both of you know it and have a way to get to it. I don’t mean to scare you and this probably will never be necessary but things sometimes happen and when they do, researching the nearest hospital becomes very difficult for a bunch of freaked out people. No?

– Match Conduct– Right up front, choose a safe word that you can scream out if you need to stop because of injury. And USE it even if you feel something is about to go wrong (like a muscle feeling as if it’s about to displace or hyper-extend).

Listen to me now! If girlfriend says the word while you’re wrestling her immediately disengage. Just stop and move away from her two or three feet. Don’t even touch her while you’re engaged — the first point is to survey what’s happened before you start moving her around. Just move away quickly. No questions asked.

If you notice any blood, visible scratches or any other lacerations stop immediately and apply appropriate first aid. Sometimes you get a scratch or cut and you can go right on fighting but you should first put some ointment or something on it to prevent possible infection.

If you hear any snack, crackle or pop during the match, STOP. Don’t ask, “Are you okay?” because if something has gone wrong she may not realize she’s hurt or you may not realize you are hurt. Just stop and wait and see if something develops because one of you will feel an injury a few moments after for sure. Then you have to treat it.

Avoid techniques that bend joints backwards. If she is bending your arm or leg in a strange position, use the safe word and call that to her attention. YOU should avoid that kind of craziness as well. That’s for trained and experienced fighters. Oh…if you’re both trained and experienced, bend her into a pretzel if you want. LOL

If you knock heads by accident (and you probably will, my love) stop and check it you’re both okay. Any queasy or dizzy feeling — it stops right there and you get yourself checked out. You probably have a concussion; that’s not the end of the world in most cases but you should check it out.

By the way, if you feel nauseous, stop immediately and see if it settles down. It could be nothing but, if it continues, you should have yourself checked out.

Fight like what you are. Which is, for most of us, a recreational wrestler. Don’t jump into the air or do stuff you see professional wrestlers do (like drop kicks); professional wrestlers are highly trained athletes/actors who work in cooperation with each other, using “calls” (to tell each other what they are about to do) and are expert in making a technique look real without causing injury to opponents. You are probably not that. Okay? So, stay on the mat.

Also, avoid sleeper holds and other choke techniques. If you’re not both highly trained martial artists, these techniques can be very very dangerous.

Finally, be extremely careful with scissors holds. Never nail a scissors on her neck! You can cause some very dangerous injuries that way.

–The Monthly Issue– This is an issue that is seldom discussed in public but often raised by women. After all, we are different from men in many ways but a main one is that most of us menstruate once a month until we reach menopause. So the issue is: do I wrestle during menstruation?

The first point is to explore what menstruation actually is because it is NOT the emissions portion of your period. Menstruation is a period of the month that lasts several days and the bleeding only lasts a small part of that time.

That doesn’t mean nothing is happening. During menstruation your body is going through several major changes and your reproductive organs are responding to those changes and forcing other changes to occur. In short, my sister, you are DIFFERENT during those days.

Caring for yourself during your period is a major responsibility because it not only affects your health but also your ability to bear children. Okay? Sooo….you must listen to your body here.

Try to avoid scheduling matches during the seven or eight central days of your period. Now that’s tough to time, obviously so if you have scheduled a match and you feel changes like loss of energy, bloating, headaches, etc. — you should probably postpone the match. Some of us feel these changes all the time and, if they are ordinary, use your judgement but postponing a match for a few days is not the end of the world and, if you level with her, your opponent will understand.

NEVER let either of the men pressure you into doing it if you’re questioning whether you should. It’s your choice.

By the way, avoid any erotic fighting during this time — it’s not dangerous per se (sex is never dangerous during a period) — but it’s fighting and any stress and trauma could complicate things within you.

And I would strongly suggest that you avoid any fighting contact during the time of the actual menstrual emission or if you think it’s coming.

–Pregnancy– The moment you miss your period, stop wrestling. If it’s a false pregnancy (and that does happen) you can resume immediately after making sure the false sign isn’t symptomatic of some problem. I exercised extensively during both my pregnancies (swimming, working out and even doing some running) but noone was banging her body into mine in those activities. Wrestling is fighting and you don’t fight with a growing life inside you, girlfriend.

And you WILL be able to come back and no combative woman will disagree with you. No bridges will be burned. We’ve had two occasions in Ladies Corner during which active combative women just took off for nine months to give birth. The reaction from all the other women in Ladies Corner was supportive (and of course asking about weight, looks and trying to get photos of the newborns — I mean we ARE women, right? LOL)

–Going to the Doctor– Okay…somebody’s been injured and you have to go to emergency room. What the hell do you say?

Simple: “My girlfriend and I were horsing around, sort of wrestling, and we got into this hold and I felt….etc.” That’s all you need to say and the doctor will accept that explanation without any more questions asked and you need answer no more. You need not answer questions about a possible attack because you are not pressing charges. That’s it.

Don’t know what the doctor will think and who cares? Your health is the priority and the doctor is probably more interested in dealing with the real injury than how it occurred.

Here’s a funny story.

A number of combative women are physicians. That’s really true and I know and wrestled several times with one here in New York. How did we meet?

About a week after a match, I started feeling pain in my shoulder and I went to my own doctor who referred me to a specialist in that type of injury. She was a woman about my own age (mid thirties at the time) and obviously athletic. I noticed that right up. Very nice lady.

Anyway, she asked me if I had done anything out of the ordinary recently and I told her just what I quoted above about “horsing around”. She nodded and smiled immediately. “Muscle hyper-extenstion,” she said. “Happens alot when someone tries to free a reverse headlock.”

I looked at her and she said, “I know from personal experience.”

Then she looked me in the eyes and smirked. “Horsing around, huh?” And we both laughed. After the examination, she said: “Should heal in a couple of weeks. It does for me and we’re about the same size, aren’t we? Give me a call if it doesn’t heal.” I nodded and tooke her card.

“In fact, when it does heal if you’d like,” she said and actually winked. I nodded again.

Well, the upshot. I called her in three weeks when I was feeling fully healed and she greeted me and asked, “All better?”

“Yep,” I said.

“How experienced are you?” she asked and I told her.

“Well then, are you ready for me now?” she asked and she laughed.

I laughed back and said, “Absolutely. Name it.”

And she said in one sentence: “Two or three, straight, from the knees, bathing suits, one observer each…this Saturday afternoon?” LOL. You can never tell with those doctors!

Great question and it is a real issue for many combative women because a scene can greatly enhance the fun of a match and sometimes can be as moving, arousing, and fun as the match itself. While it most often occurs in a rules catfight, scenes can be an issue in a wrestling match as well.
So if you are going to do a “scene” before tangling, you need to PLAN it and treat it as part of the match. As previously indicated, opponents should talk about possible “scenes” — will you play out some scenario, dress in any special way, argue about something, have some preliminary vignette? Will you be cordial right up to the match or will you “take an attitude” with each other. Will you play out a fake argument or act coldly as rivals?

And even if there’s no specific scene planned, there is the issue of preliminaries. What do you do before the match begins? When do you actually start? How will you handle attire? I’m not advocating a complete production here — I mean, you’re there to wrestle not to win an Academy Award — but scenes and preliminaries are worth at least a few minutes of discussion and agreement.

So…let’s talk.

“Bitch!” and Other Preliminaries

Some women (and even more men) like an aggressive build-up while some just can’t get into it. Talk it out by phone as you discuss the encounter and go over preparations a couple of times before you actually meet. Most women aren’t actresses. If you’re going to do a whole scene, you need to talk together to set parameters, explain “attitudes”, etc. In other words, no one should be surprised.

If you decide to actually do a build up scene, there are some rules you should be conscious of.
Make clear what your opponent does NOT want to hear. She may be embarassed by allusions to part of her body or offended by racial, ethnic, class or sexual slurs. The best advice is to refrain from using any of these unless both opponents have specifically called for it. A slur too close to home can be painful and can spoil the entire experience.

Are you going to argue over one of the men? (some women do this…some men like this). Well, what’s the other man (the guy who isn’t the “prize) going to think or feel? Get all that clear.

Finally, decide when you’re going to start the scene and how long it will take, more or less. You don’t want to walk into a room expecting a cordial greeting and have someone call you names. If the scene will commence the moment you walk into the room, make that clear. Also, your opponent may not want to argue for a half hour, no matter how catty you’re feeling at the moment.

In short, NO surprises.

Ready?

As silly as it might seem, how you enter the room for the fight can be an awkward issue.

My preference is for both women to retire the moment everyone is together and then talk over last minute issues and get into the clothing you’ll wear to enter the room (which can be your fighting garb or, as is frequently the case, substantially more). Then walk in together.
Any way you do it, you should try to be together most of the time. Don’t keep the other person waiting.

The same is true of where you sit (with your observers or together, apart from them) and what you will do before you begin.

But once you’re in the room, whether you’re planning a scene or not, there are some important issues to be clear on.

You’re in Charge!

The women must be in charge of the situation. Giving up control can result in one of you feeling intimidated, pressured, embarassed or even frightened and that will be a very negative experience for both of you. The observers are going to be excited so make clear with both of them that they are NOT to tell you to begin, encourage you to start, ask you when you’re going to get going or explain what you should do. They are OBSERVERS and, if they have little pieces of advice, they can impart these before the couples are together.

Once the preparations have begun, observers should have as little verbal contact with the fighters as possible (aside from a “good luck, honey” or a whispered “beat the heck out of her” encouragement). Let the combatants concentrate on what they’re about to do.

Second, play your scene any way you want BUT never surprise the opponent with a “let’s get started”. In other words, the commencement of the match should depend on a signal between combatants.

Why’s that, Barbara????

Because one or both of you may be nervous, jittery and need a bit of time to compose herself. Each opponent has a responsibility to give the other that time. Now, if you’re trying to get yourself together and she says “Well, let’s go.” you will either have to start unprepared or risk embarassment by saying “I’m not ready.” and looking at the observers’ hungry and impatient little faces.

So arrange a signal beforehand. I use the shoe trick mostly. Goes like this:
I usually wear heels or maybe open toe sandals to enter a room for a match and will sit down with them on. I ask my opponent to do the same. Keep the shoes on. And I give her the courtesy (especially if she’s less experienced than I) of giving the first signal.
When she’s ready, she slips one foot out of her shoe (a common and furtive gesture). If I am ready, I’ll do the same. Then, when I slip out of my shoe, she can ask openly if I’m ready and I will respond that I am and we can slip out of the other shoe and…well, whatever else we need to slip out of.

If I don’t reciprocate the gesture, she waits until I do. Simple to do without attracting any attention.

And what of the everything else to slip out of?

Stripping Down

You can do this any way you want but you should make clear how it will be done. There are observers and they’ll watch every move. My suggestions?

Stand facing each other (albeit maybe not as close as the two to the right) and match each other garment for garment. By agreement, one of you takes the lead. She removes something and the opponent immediately begins doing the same. The leader waits until the opponent has the garment removed before going on to the next garment. Go as slowly as you need to for comfort but don’t prolong it. It’s not a race but it’s not a striptease either. And, of course, don’t take off anything that hasn’t been agreed to beforehand — don’t play those games.

Keep your eyes on each other. Steer clear of looking over to the observers. This is the time for you to focus. Unless you’re playing a nasty scene, smile a bit at her and try to make her feel as comfortable as you can. But make NO comments. Nothing.

When you’re both down to whatever you have planned to get down to, nod once to each other and, when both have nodded, come together and assume your starting positions. Nod to each other once more and start. NEVER let the guys say “One, Two, Three…go” or ask if you’re ready or anything like that. You two can count and it is absolutely essential that you women control the pace and development of this situation. Essential that you never give control up to either of the observers (male or female).

And then, just start.

Attire

What you wear depends on what you’re doing.
• My general rule is to wrestle in as little as you’re comfortable with but no less. One piece gym or swim suits are fine as are two piece bathing suits. You should remember that with some bikinis the top may slip off during a match. If you’ve a problem with that, dress accordingly.
• Like it or not yourself, some women like to wrestle topless or nude. If you are one of them, talk to your opponent about it frankly and openly. Many wrestlers will do it without hesitation; some have a big problem with it.
• If you’re going to catfight, attire becomes a real issue. I don’t do street clothes catfights where you rip stuff off but some very good women wrestlers like that. If you do, just don’t wear anything good and make sure it rips easily. You could be burned or scratched if the dress resists a rip.
• If you’re going to breast grab, you’ve got another issue to face: at some point, she has to bare your breasts. It’s very difficult to grab breasts effectively through material and anyway, if you’re breast grabbing, there’s a reason why and it’s probably now consistent with modesty. My preference would be to start bare breasted. A top that is yanked off can be cumbersome and even dangerous. But, if you want to pull tops off, agree to do that and nothing more (PULEEZE don’t choke each other with those things!)

  The other issue, interestingly enough, is your feet.

• I have a hard and fast rule: I wrestle and fight barefoot and require all opponents to do the same. Many women I know have the same attitude for a very simple reason: shoes are dangerous. Even gym shoes can leave serious bruises on legs after an accidental kick. Of coures, heels in a real match are simply not worn unless you want a broken ankle or an injury from a heel.
  I don’t like to fight in hose or socks because they’re uncomfortable, hot, and scratchy. If, for some reason, you do, go ahead but make sure your opponent has no problem with it. BUT make sure all leg wear is clean — don’t wear to the venue; clean it and put it on right before you begin.

You’ll learn how to do these additional things when you start fighting but I’ll cover a couple now.

Conduct before, during and after

• Be cordial and respectful at all times unless you’re in a fantasy scene which has been agreed to beforehand.
• Do NOT punch, scratch, choke, gouge, bite, kick, or use any other move than could cause permanent injury or permanent marks.
• Always have at least one observer in the room with you during the contest.
• Stop fighting the moment the opponent submits!
• Stop the moment she says she’s injured, whether you believe it or not.
• Stop the moment you have rolled off the contest surface (be it mat or anything else). Just break and go to the center to resume; a lost advantage is better than a broken bone.
• Do nothing that hasn’t been agreed to.
• Do NOT under any circumstances permit observers to interfere unless there is a security problem. In that case, their interference should signal the end of the contest.
• Determine whether the observers are allowed to be vocal (cheering you on, etc.) If they are, set some limits: I personally don’t want somebody else’s guy calling me a “bitch” for instance while I’m wrestling. Make sure these guys understand what language is forbidden and, if they violate it, stop the contest right there and then.
• Never, and I mean NEVER, let the contest get “out of hand”. A lot of guys seem to have this fantasy about a wrestling match turning into a fight. Let them go watch video tapes! If for some reason you want to change the rules, stop fighting and talk about it.
• If your opponent violates any of these rules, stop the contest and tell her you won’t continue under those conditions. If she’s persistent or unresponsive, leave. Period.

Venue

• You can do this in somebody’s home or a motel or gym or anyplace where there’s privacy and enough room.Contests should occur on mats because they’re safer. But, if you don’t have them and must wrestle on a floor, try to find a soft surface like a couple of mattresses put together. If you’re on a rug make sure the material isn’t scratchy. Remember, however, that the surface should dictate what you do. Don’t throw someone down hard on a rug; you’ll hurt her.
• If you think the action may get vocal or noisy, have some music playing to drown it out.
• Have a specific place where the observers can sit or stand…away from the action.Okay…that’s in general. Now, let’s go over the rules and caveats for each form of combat.

That may seem a strange statement because we are taught that “fighting” is something you do in anger or with foul purpose. But trust me, you’ll understand what I mean the very first time you wrestle another woman. The experience of sharing the nervousness, excitement, physical challenge and adventure is really a “binding” experience for women and you are probably going to feel a real kinship with your opponent.

THAT is not the problem for most of us. The problem is actually fighting her. Because there is a bottom line and we might as well make it clear up front:

Combative women fight other combative women and we fight to win.

We do for fun because it IS fun, a lot of fun. We do it respectfully and safely and out of friendship because the experience makes us grow and we can’t have that experience without our opponents. We care about our opponents’ safety and feelings because, as opponents, they are our girlfriends — not our enemies. And we make a bond with them because, as they help us grow and enjoy what we’re doing, we do the same for them.

But, for that to happen, we have to try to beat them! And that’s what this section is about.

When you do your first match, you’re going to be nervous as hell. This will not change for a while. Not only is this a new experience and a potentially exciting one but it’s one you’ve probably pictured in your mind for some time and you’re just not sure how it will actually play out.

For women, one of the main issues is our programmed difficulty in actually “fighting” someone we’re not angry with and our fear of provoking anger or bad feelings in another woman.

How “heavy” should I get? Where do I grab her? How rough is too rough? Will she be embarassed if I beat her? Will I if she beats me?

These are not minor issues. They are significant feelings for you personally and in the context of relationships among women and it’s good that they are coming up. You’re not rivals or enemies. Women are trained to be careful about the feelings of the other woman. After all, we are concerned about our feelings and how she treats us, no?

This is the first place where an important attitude shift must occur. Girlfriend, remember why you’re there: you are getting together to compete physically and to explore what that means for each of you.

Wrestling is just fun, of course, but it can also be a deepening experience for you: you’re using muscles in ways most women don’t, you are struggling against a person who is about as strong as you. You’re not “fighting back” against an attacker here — you are attacking as well. The goal is no longer “survival” or getting away as in a physical attack from a man; the goal here is to beat her.

The important thing is to convince yourself of a simple fact: SHE wants you to try to beat her. Because if you don’t, you are cheating her out of the full extent of self-exploration available during a match. How is she going to really test herself or experience these new emotions and feelings and physical stresses unless you’re really posing a challenge to her.

In the real world, you are both going to feel some pressure possibly from your men or other observers. You may be encourage to engage in some kind of fantasy during the match which involves restraining yourselves and “not really fighting hard” or “letting her win”, etc.

All of us have had these pressures and they must be rejected out of hand. That’s not the say that you go in there to do anything to win. That’s why we establish the rules we’ll talk about later but, after you’ve set the rules, try as hard as you can within them.

Essentially, the rule for combative women is to be respectful and sensitive in setting up a match and after it and fighting within the rules with everything you have to beat her during the match.

While this may seem harsh or insensitive to her (or to you, if you lose), it is really the highest form of respect and support for her. You’re giving her something that will let her achieve her goal and let her grow. And she is doing the same for you. You will NOT enjoy a match in which one of you isn’t trying hard.

The pic on the right is worth a thousand words: Kritza and Melanie of DWW have just ended a really rough and tumble battle and here’s THEIR reaction.

So…fight! Grab her wherever you can, struggle to get her down, struggle to stay on top of her, fight hard to hold her in place, fight like hell to get out of her holds. Push, pull, roll, grab and hold. Don’t be afraid to hurt her. Unless you are much more experienced than she or much bigger, you won’t.

If you think she’s “tanking” (holding back), whisper to her to try harder. Just do it. If she’s experienced, she’ll know how much and what to do to really give you a fight without hurting you. If she’s as experienced as you are, then there’s no problem with trying.

In short, you should never be afraid to wrestle hard and wrestle to win. She will do the same and, win or lose, each of you will emerge feeling that you’ve had fun and that, in a small way perhaps, your world is a slightly different place.